Tuesday, 20 November 2007
Honk.
I hear honking every so often around Calgary, and I look up.
Canadian geese are flying in huge, dark V-formations. The first few times I heard them, they were going south. Well, that makes sense. It's getting into winter. But then I saw a gaggle of geese honking west, towards the snow-capped peaks of Banff. Then a flock heading west, then one group heading NORTH. Maybe some geese were mucking around in the back and the lead goose decided to turn the V around. Perhaps they've been watching too much Al Gore and have become brazen concerning Arctic temperatures. Who knows. But that whole thing about geese flying south for the winter is shot to hell.
The last direction I would look if I heard honking is the road, for Canadians do not honk. At all. For any reason. The typical Canadian, upon being cut off in traffic by a crass foreigner, might consider nervously nibbling his lower lip and glancing away. For this reason I have become the worst pedestrian in the world. I cross when and where I feel the urge, knowing that motorists will treat me as gingerly as they would a row of baby ducklings. This is bizarre when you consider that most cars in this part Calgary are looming, ancient rusty American pickups driven by moose-jawed mouth-breathers. Their 1983 Lincoln Continental would go through me like Boss Hogg through a bowl o' grits, but they're more chicken than a turkey round'bout Thanksgiving.
.
Canadian geese are flying in huge, dark V-formations. The first few times I heard them, they were going south. Well, that makes sense. It's getting into winter. But then I saw a gaggle of geese honking west, towards the snow-capped peaks of Banff. Then a flock heading west, then one group heading NORTH. Maybe some geese were mucking around in the back and the lead goose decided to turn the V around. Perhaps they've been watching too much Al Gore and have become brazen concerning Arctic temperatures. Who knows. But that whole thing about geese flying south for the winter is shot to hell.
The last direction I would look if I heard honking is the road, for Canadians do not honk. At all. For any reason. The typical Canadian, upon being cut off in traffic by a crass foreigner, might consider nervously nibbling his lower lip and glancing away. For this reason I have become the worst pedestrian in the world. I cross when and where I feel the urge, knowing that motorists will treat me as gingerly as they would a row of baby ducklings. This is bizarre when you consider that most cars in this part Calgary are looming, ancient rusty American pickups driven by moose-jawed mouth-breathers. Their 1983 Lincoln Continental would go through me like Boss Hogg through a bowl o' grits, but they're more chicken than a turkey round'bout Thanksgiving.
.
Sunday, 18 November 2007
Firetrucks are green
Unworldly things in Calgary
Fire trucks are green.
Tax is only 6%; food under $4 is tax-free.
The wind either makes it ten degrees colder or ten degrees warmer.
Cars do not require WOF or any kind of safety checks.
It gets light at 10am; it gets dark at 4pm. In January, it's 11am and 2pm.
The zoo is on an island.
Fire trucks are green.
Tax is only 6%; food under $4 is tax-free.
The wind either makes it ten degrees colder or ten degrees warmer.
Cars do not require WOF or any kind of safety checks.
It gets light at 10am; it gets dark at 4pm. In January, it's 11am and 2pm.
The zoo is on an island.
Wednesday, 14 November 2007
I Wish I'd Done That
Here's a collection of stuff I wish I could claim ownership of.
Video of the text of Dr. Evil speech: Zip It [link]
Whose Line Is It Anyway: best green-screen ever [link]
Rosendahl watch for BMW
Bridge that rolls up
Circular scanner
Book darts
What stuff do you wish you'd done?
Leave your comments in the comments. That's what it's for.
Video of the text of Dr. Evil speech: Zip It [link]
Whose Line Is It Anyway: best green-screen ever [link]
Rosendahl watch for BMW
Bridge that rolls up
Circular scanner
Book darts
What stuff do you wish you'd done?
Leave your comments in the comments. That's what it's for.
Tuesday, 13 November 2007
Why the US dollar sucks
The Canadian dollar coin is called a loonie, because the bird on the coin is a loon. (Naturally, the $2 coin is called a toonie.) One loonie buys US$ 1.09, the highest in 130 years. The last time it was this high, the South was marching on Washington and Abraham Lincoln decreed that no-one was allowed to buy or sell gold for a little bit. It's not so much that the Canadian economy deserved a 23% hike in 2007, but that Bush's America isn't balancing the budget:
***
Let's imagine that you take home $50,000 a year. You've been doing all right, getting by, but not saving anything. But then you decide to give your teen a bigger allowance, and Nana more meds, plus you start shooting fireworks at that jerk who owns the gas station across the street. You owe various neighbours $35,000 though it doesn't look like you'll be paying anything back this year. In fact, you've had to borrow $10,000 over the last seven years to pay for the new expenses. But you've been getting pay raises, so it's kind of OK.
About $5,000 came from just one neighbour, who owns the $1 store where you buy a lot of stuff; it's kind of like a store credit. This guy wants to come over and invest in your wife's Amway business, but he has a tough time getting an invitation. He's also got everyone telling him to change it to a $2 store, but he's worried you'll stop buying his stuff.
Ever since one of your kids got hit with a skyrocket, your wife's been pressuring you to stop with the pyrotechnics. Plus all the gas stations in the area have raised their prices because of it, and because the $1 store guy just got an SUV to match your's. She's talking about taking away your credit card and spending your fireworks money on health insurance.
***
Here are the numbers:
If the US economy (GDP) was $50,000 these figures would scale:
$9500 on defense/offense
In 2001, earned $42,500 with a debt of $24,500 (first Bush term)
In 1981, earned $22,600 with a debt of $7,350 (lowest % debt)
***
So that's the U.S. story in a nutshell. Of course international trade is more complicated than personal finance (try owing the bank money for 200 years), and national interest is tempered by various responsibilities and political solutions that don't irritate people too badly -- initially, domestically, at least.
***
Let's imagine that you take home $50,000 a year. You've been doing all right, getting by, but not saving anything. But then you decide to give your teen a bigger allowance, and Nana more meds, plus you start shooting fireworks at that jerk who owns the gas station across the street. You owe various neighbours $35,000 though it doesn't look like you'll be paying anything back this year. In fact, you've had to borrow $10,000 over the last seven years to pay for the new expenses. But you've been getting pay raises, so it's kind of OK.
About $5,000 came from just one neighbour, who owns the $1 store where you buy a lot of stuff; it's kind of like a store credit. This guy wants to come over and invest in your wife's Amway business, but he has a tough time getting an invitation. He's also got everyone telling him to change it to a $2 store, but he's worried you'll stop buying his stuff.
Ever since one of your kids got hit with a skyrocket, your wife's been pressuring you to stop with the pyrotechnics. Plus all the gas stations in the area have raised their prices because of it, and because the $1 store guy just got an SUV to match your's. She's talking about taking away your credit card and spending your fireworks money on health insurance.
***
Here are the numbers:
If the US economy (GDP) was $50,000 these figures would scale:
$9500 on defense/offense
In 2001, earned $42,500 with a debt of $24,500 (first Bush term)
In 1981, earned $22,600 with a debt of $7,350 (lowest % debt)
***
So that's the U.S. story in a nutshell. Of course international trade is more complicated than personal finance (try owing the bank money for 200 years), and national interest is tempered by various responsibilities and political solutions that don't irritate people too badly -- initially, domestically, at least.
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