Everything Just Got Smaller

I'm buying supplies for my trip, which may last six weeks, and I'm packing everything into one bag. So I'm replacing everything I use daily with teeny-tiny versions. Like Will Ferrell's phone in that one SNL sketch.



Tiny shampoo containers. Small hangers. Mini sketchpad. Micro-fibre towel. I made a teeny-tiny Scrabble board. I already own a teeny-tiny laptop. I have a Swiss Army knife the shape of a credit card. A compass the size of a marble. A travel lamp the size of my thumb. A USB thumbdrive the size of a paperclip. A paperclip which is so small I've lost it already.
I'm taking travel books which I'll post back to the library, pulp fiction I'll throw away and DVDs I'll send to the less fortunate (hi, Hadley!). Even disposable clothes, because it's not worth lugging used underwear through twenty states.
I'll buy stuff on the way: socks, maps, a Taser (I'll tase you, bro), abortions, dignity, hoagies, tiny American flags, hookers, penicillin, Caffeine-Free Cherry Diet Dr Pepper, a severe case of type-2 diabetes, a one-way ticket to hell, chutzpah, and the eternal gratitude of waitresses called Flo.


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