Thursday, 3 April 2008

Hey look, a Starbucks. Opposite another Starbucks.

I went to the biggest mall in the world today; the Mall of America. Like all malls, it reduced the exchange of goods and services to a homogenised and asinine experience, the blandest of blandishments. Apart from having several small rollercoasters tightly packed into a central warehouse area, it felt like every other mall in the world.

Walking away from the roller derby I was grabbed by an Israeli girl with huge boobs who rubbed sea salt on my hands for a few minutes, as was her custom. I didn't buy anything, but did have to spend some time washing Middle Eastern products off. I felt clean and dirty at the same time.
I was looking for some weaponry to defend myself against the citizenry. I found some mace at the As Seen On TV store, the cultural symmetry of which pleased me on a very deep level.
I noticed, with some chagrin, a swimsuit store called Kiwi Beach. The apparel on offer looked like it had been designed and fabricated in Iowa, by cautious Iowese ladies.
In other levels of contradiction, I bought candy and vitamins at the Dollar Store. I visited the Lake Woebegone Store up on the third level and purchased a duct tape wallet for $5. I grabbed a Big Gulp on the way out the door, and four hours after I entered, I took the train back downtown.
I spent the afternoon shuttling around the city, eventually ending up with my Amtrak pass. I can't get a ticket to Chicago tomorrow, so I'll dig a little deeper in these Twin Cities and see what I can fill the day with.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

america sure is the promised much bigger at they over htere? you like dem cheaper prices mister?